Seeing the world from another's point of view through the use of empathy is an interpersonal skill that varies from person to person. Yet, it may be one of most important interpersonal communication skills we can practice in our culture. We're a pretty ecogentric and "I" oriented group to the extent that it is possible that our ability to empathize with others may need some developing.
Increasing Our Ability To Use Empathy
This does not mean that we need to have a deeply developed relationship with another person to be able to empathize with them. Nor, do we need to agree with them once we understand their point of view.
To empathize with another person means to give them all your full attention to hear what they are saying and to hear what they are feeling. Empathy is opening ourselves up to the other person so that we can better understand what it is like to live where they live. It means being willing to understand their feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. As the old expression states, we are willing to "walk in their shoes". Empathy is imagining ourselves in their situation, in their place.
In order to do this, we will have to put aside our own emotions, feelings, and attitudes so that we can truly understand the other person's perspective. We will allow ourselves to be open to their ideas. When we allow ourselves to be able to truly hear their ideas, we take away all situations of "being right' or "being wrong". And, we are even willing to be open to looking at new possible solutions or alternatives to an issue or an idea. When the other person sees we are truly trying to understand their point of view that allows them to become less defensive about their position.
Opening Ourselves Up To Truly Listen To What The Other Person Has To Say
When we take the time to be open to allow ourselves to objectively listen to what the other is saying, we take out all of the emotions and feelings so that the other person knows it is safe for them to explore their feelings with us without being judged or threatened. They don't feel they need to defend themselves. After all, we don't live where they do.
When we give them this emotional support and the room to hear themselves express what they are feeling, it helps them have room to clarify things for them as well as for us. They are so close to the issues, the feelings, the attitude that they often cannot separate the different aspects of these out for themselves. We are allowing them to explore the issues at their own pace.
And when we are not sure that we completely understand what they have said, we can ask them questions to clarify our understanding of their issues or feelings. By restating it back to them, we both get an opportunity to look at what they are feeling and thinking. We are helping them to clarify and reflect on the situation. And, it gives us the opportunity to better understand them and where they are coming from as well.
The Use Of Empathy Builds Communication And Trust
When they feel safe and we have gotten the emotions out of the way, we can discuss the issues. With the emotions out of the way, the words lose their emotional meaning and they will be more willing to listen to what we have to say. Because we have listened to them first they may now want to listen to what we have to say.
The use of empathy builds trust for establishing a solid enough foundation to really understand what the other has to say. Again, it doesn't mean that once we have understood their point of view that we have to agree with it. But we have been willing to hear their point of view. We have heard them and what they have to say.
Source:
Covey, Stephen, Covey Leadership Center, West Valley City, Utah. 1990
Sheila Rosenberg - Sheila has had a professional career and been an adjunct professor that spans over 40 years. She loves writing for our readers.
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